As we count down to the end of the long summer holidays, it’s natural for children to feel anxious about what the new school year will bring.
The Kids Research Institute Australia researcher and provisional psychologist, Alix Woolard, shares her top tips to help make the first days and weeks easier on your child and the whole family.
Preparation: remove the mystery
If your child is starting at a school for the first time, try to visit the school grounds ahead of their first day. If the school holds orientation sessions or invites your child to meet some of the staff and/or teachers – make the most of these opportunities so that your child can get to know a familiar face, practice getting in and out of the school grounds and orientate themselves with things like school bag racks, water fountains, lockers and toilet blocks.
Try to attend any other additional events the school offers, including parent information evenings or organised play dates in the school holidays.
Practice wearing the school uniform before their first day. If you need to buy new school supplies such as lunchboxes, let your child choose them to build their excitement. If your child has allergies or other special requirements, make sure the school knows ahead of time so that the classroom can be prepared before the first day. Get your child to help you pack their lunchbox so they know what to expect at morning tea and lunchtime. This will also ensure food easy to open and consume.
For children starting kindy and pre-primary, make sure they can perform key tasks themselves such as putting their shoes on (tying laces or Velcro straps), going to the toilet alone and opening their own lunchbox. Assure your child that they can ask the teacher any questions they have during class, and that the teacher is there to help them.
Your child doesn’t have to be starting a new school to feel anxious about their first day back. After the long break, they may feel nervous about their new teacher and classmates. It is still a good idea to visit the new classroom before the first day and talk to your child about all the exciting things this school year will bring.
First day nerves
Starting a new school or coming back after the break can be nerve-wracking but it is also an important part of growth and development in learning how to adapt to change, make new social connections and explore new environments.
Try not to be a ‘lawnmower parent’ and smooth the path too much for your child. You are there as a support person as they develop their independence in the school years. They need to learn how to solve problems on their own so try not to be tempted to intervene until your child has had a chance to work through problems themselves. Acknowledge that it is normal to be nervous but try to focus on the positive experiences school will bring to help counter the nerves with excitement.
As adults we bring our own experiences to the situation. For example, if we found school difficult, it can be hard to keep those emotions separate from our child’s experience. If you know you might become anxious yourself at the prospect of your child staring school, try to keep your own emotions in check and let your child navigate their own path.
Focus on open communication with your child. Ask open-ended questions and respect their space if they do not want to talk. Remember they may be tired at the end of each day as they adapt to a new environment.
If the child is moving schools after a bad experience at a previous school, talk about fresh starts. Let them know a new school is a new beginning and a chance to rewrite their experience of school in a more positive way.
Building relationships
Young children often need simple overt assistance in navigating new friendships. Encourage them to follow their own interests, which helps them to find like-minded peers.
Teach them how to ask others if they can play and give them ideas of ways to engage with others such as building things together, riding trikes together and imaginative play.
Break down social difficulties into smaller basic steps to help your child work out a way through and encourage them to approach their teachers if they require assistance rather than approaching the teacher yourself as a first step.
Small children will learn a lot about basic social behaviour at school, but you can help by trying to get to know other families, particularly those who have children your child likes to play with. Your child will be more comfortable making friends at first when you are around as a safe base. Respond to invitations and try to invite other children to play, whether in the park or after school to help foster relationships with kids your child enjoys spending time with.
Beyond the first day
Don’t underestimate the emotional and physical exhaustion that may come with the beginning of school and keep the rest of life as simple as possible while your child adapts to the new school.
Limit extracurricular activities in the first term as you observe how your child’s energy and emotions are adapting to the new start. Ensure your child goes to bed on time and gets plenty of sleep. If they usually go to bed late and struggle to wake in time for school, you may want to start an earlier bedtime routine, with good sleep hygiene, to avoid the sleepiness and rush of the morning. Keep their diet healthy and make sure they have a good breakfast before school each day so that they are not limited by hunger or lack of energy.
Be aware of other life changes that go along with starting a new school. Many children move schools amidst other changes in life such as house moves, financial problems, separation or divorce and other social problems. Be sensitive to a new school being one more change and try to be as empathetic as possible while maintaining as much stability as you can in the rest of the child’s life.
Starting school can also mean a change in working arrangements for parents, particularly stay at home parents who may re-enter the workforce. Be patient with yourself as you work to find a balance that suits your family.
Despite the busy lives we lead, try as hard as you can to keep up to date with the school calendar of events and prepare in advance for dress-up days and events to support your child’s participation in the school community.